MUST BE LOVE

“She looked at him and said
‘I know I totally bored you. I am so stupid’
‘No! You can never bore me’ he said smiling”

She was packing her stuff and smiling because she had had the most marvellous three days of her life. She started stuffing in her iPod and the two fat novels in her bag giggling, she had brought all this stuff because she would be totally bored and these three days were given her as a bonus to relax. The truth was the three days had passed by, every part of her body ached from all the dancing and running around all the time and she never really got the time to relax.

Her dad’s silver jubilee celebration was in the city she had lived in when she was a kid but never visited again and now she had landed at the airport and she was ready for all the pathetic socialising that she knew she would have to do. She hated talking to unknown people, the first day went by as expected, she didn’t like anyone, but things came around the 2nd day and by the 3rd day she didn’t want to leave the place, no matter how happy she was going home and she didn’t want to go. She had come back to her room early with her family because they had to pack as they were to catch the evening flight back home. As much as she hated packing she was happy to go home and was looking forward to some sleep and she knew right now sleep was the only thing she needed. Sleep deprived, she was cranky and chose not to talk to anyone.

As she was packing, her dad walked in to the room and told her that some other batch mate of his were coming to visit them for some time, as they were currently living in that city. She made a face and then the endless series of cribbing started and the whole cranky, whiny side of hers came back, she didn’t want to meet anyone anymore, she was drained of her socialising skills, moreover drained of putting up that friendly smile when inside she didn’t feel that happy. Listening to her daughter whine like a kid, her dad said

‘don’t behave like that, their son just cracked the most difficult exam of mbbs and just got admitted in one of the best colleges of the country, we should all congratulate him’

Her dad said that and left. ‘the best college?, pfft...yes! ok! He got into your college, no big deal!’ she thought to herself and resumed packing. They both were child hood buddies and yet she had not seen him in years. She looked at her mom and said.
‘I am just greeting them and then coming back into my room’

Her mom gave a helpless nod, she knew she was being unreasonable and illogical but she couldn’t help her feelings.

After a few minutes she heard a lot of noise outside and she knew that the ‘guests’ had arrived. She rolled her eyes and continued packing. She wore her jacket and was going towards the bathroom to make her hair when she passed the main door of the room and from the door she stole a glance of supposedly ‘the intelligent future doctor’ who was sitting on the railing. She looked at him and she gasped, she walked in to the bathroom incoherent, all she could think about was him, he was so cute that she something rushing inside. She properly made her hair, walked to her room and sat there still breathing heavily. She waited for her mom to call her out because honestly she didn’t have the courage to go outside. And just then her mom called her out; she took a deep breath and with a smile walked out. She greeted everyone sitting and then again looked at the guy, yes he was real and yes he was unbelievably cute. She was standing answering the interrogative questions thrown at her by his parents; she smiled throughout and answered them.
Then uncle said
‘beta, come sit’

She looked at the guy still sitting on the railing and somehow the guy understood her look and shifted a little to make room for her. She smiled inside but was composed from outside and sat down with him, there was an awkward sense of air surrounding the area, they both didn’t talk and their parents couldn’t stop yapping, he looked at her and she looked at him from time to time and she had to talk to him, just as she was about to say something, her dad did, he asked him about college, how it had changed, how he was finding it blah blah...she wasn’t interested in all of that, all she concentrated on was his voice which just matched his looks. ‘perfect’ she thought.
The awkward silence between them was back again and then she finally gained the courage to ask him the question

‘So what is your name?’ she asked him

He was caught by surprise, he just gave her startled look and somehow he had not expected her to talk to him. She knew his nickname but she wanted to know his real name. Her question was answered by his mother

‘arre, you should be knowing the answer to that question because you only kept his name’

Now! She was startled, both of them didn’t know what to speak next and this time she just couldn’t stop the smirk that formed on her face, how could she keep his name? She was still in school and he had joined college. She was confused.

‘You kept his name because you are an year older to him’ aunty said again

‘Oh!’ was the only thing that came out of her mouth. Seriously, he was younger to him, now that made her laugh.

Although, it was pretty shocking for both of them but the awkward silence broke and he asked her name and then when she found a good chance, she asked him if he wanted to go for a walk and he agreed. They both rushed outside and started walking

‘I am so glad to be out of there, it was getting so weird there’ she said
And the guy just nodded

For the next two hours she was going on talking and in between she talked really insane stuff which she didn’t realize that she was doing. He didn’t say much but contributed to the conversation just a little bit, he would also start talking when something was common between them and she just searched for common topics because she wanted to hear his voice. They both never halted, they both kept on walking, they walked for two hours and it was perfect. The way he looked at her and his smile, there was only one word in her head ‘perfect’. The guy was perfect. If she could fall for someone in two hours then it was him. Her time was up with him when her parents called out to them and told her it was time to leave, she couldn’t believe her time was really up with him. But the one thing that mostly bothered her was that she had talked complete lunatic stuff and she didn’t know what he was thinking about her, to clear out things, she made her cute face and said

‘I am so sorry, I know I bored you, I am stupid’

He looked at her and replied

‘No! You can never bore me’

The both looked at each other for a long time and then she jerked, did they really build a strong connection in 2 hours? Was it possible? She cleared her head and smiled

‘It was nice meeting you, keep in touch’ she said

‘Pleasure was all mine and I will’ he said and smiled

She sat in the car and she was off to the airport, she left the city where a new story had just begun for her.

‘From then till now, two years have passed since that day, since that time, two years have passed since she saw him and she still feels the same way about him as she used to, hoping for something to happen between them, hoping for impossibilities to finally vanish and things don’t seem to be going anywhere’


P.S tomorrow would be that same day again when she met him two years ago.

FAIRYTALES, LIFE AND MORE....

STATUS- BELIEVER

'I looked at you through the mirror, I saw a different you, I felt something breaking inside me and I never searched the answers for that 'why''


The night seems to never end and there are too many memories to cherish and to forget. There are too many thoughts that keep on reminding me of the loss I suffered and the happiness I gained. If only life was a story which started with once upon a time...and ended with happily ever after...if only it had the prince charming on a white horse coming to rescue you from that evil witch. Sometimes time has limitations and sometimes it seems to pass by, sometimes life seems to move so quickly, sometimes it just stops. Everybody knows the beginning but ending no one has seen, the anticipation of what’s coming next keeps us going. Even if we are sad and depressed the idea a better tomorrow keeps us alive.

All of us yearn for a fairytale life, a castle with lots of rooms, a beautiful gown and magic all around. But then I think, what is magic? What makes magic real? Why do we believe in it so much? Does it happen? Do dreams really come true? Do we all have fairy godmothers? Someone, somewhere waiting for us to pray for some miracle and so that certain someone can swing the wand in its hand and grant us our wish, make us believe in magic again. Are there really two ways to life? Either we be patient and wait for magic or we make magic happen for us. Answers don’t really matter what matters is that there are questions. Questions that are unanswered and in our quest to find these answers would we embark on a journey so beautiful, so magical that we would forget about reality, that we would forget the concept of black and white and just for once believe in colours.

In a world where pain and sorrow surrounds us, a world which forces us to close all doors to feeling any kind of emotions, a world where if you are not strong then you can’t be happy. In every 10 people, there are those 7 living two lives, portraying the world happiness but inside they are dying. What is happiness? How can a person in true sense said to be happy? Are there any ground rules provided? or is it given in some cheesy fairytale book? Believing in the worst, ignoring what is right infront of us and expecting nothing seems to grant us if not whole then partial bliss.

‘Perception to things is what changes the way we live life’ someone once told me that. Can we really change what is fed to us? We are brought up in our lavish homes, drinking milk and eating cookies, reading storybooks and dreaming. If it weren’t for that we wouldn’t have even had those couple of reasons to be happy that we have with us because believing that good things are somewhere out there is what makes it just a tad prettier.

If there was no good or evil, no yin or yang, no angel or devil, no two sides to the coin, we would have never gained a perception; we would have never learned to look at the positive side. Bad things can either bring you down or bad things can make you stronger, more positive. The theory that ‘good things happen to good people’ is all wrong; the theory actually is that only good people are put through tests to make them strong, to make them gain a perception. If a person hasn’t been through the trials and tribulations of life, then they are not the lucky ones, then they won’t realize when a good thing comes to them and they might just let it pass by. Afterall, lessons learnt in the course of life are the lessons best learnt.

Fairytale ending we make ourselves by the things we learn and by the choices we make. It’s all just part of the plan. If we were born with extreme hatred and love, then why hate when there is so much love still within us?

MJ- INVINCIBLE

MOOD- MJ-ISH

‘Love is a feeling
Give it when I want it
Quench my desire
Cuz I'm on fire

Give it when I want it
Talk to me woman
Give in to me
Give in to me’

Listening to MJ and studying is like Coke and Chips, perfect combo! MJ’s music brings life back in you, it’s true nobody can fill his shoes. His music was never old and can never get old. The contemporary artists could learn a thing or two from him. ‘King of pop’ as he is crowned, he reigned people’s hearts even when he was alive and even when he is gone.

June 25th 2009, when the news of his departure spread, he had left the world but he couldn’t take his soul away with him, his music, which was going to live with everyone forever. The classics like ‘the way you make me feel’, ‘you rock my world’, ‘bad’, ‘blame it on a boogie’, ‘thriller’, ‘smooth criminal’ and many more. The man has endless records that one can hear playing in a street or in a cafe or in some public place. If you don’t know who MJ is, you deserve to die or you clearly haven’t registered yourself in the world as of now. The MJ frenzy was bigger than ever and it had to be the man was grand in everything he did, from his songs, to music videos, to concerts, to world tours. If he had set his heart on something he would not take no for an answer. He was the trendsetter, the volatile guy, so unpredictable in everything.

The moonwalk, he made it famous, everyone was doing it, in the streets, in their homes, just everywhere....when he came onto the stage in his black 3/4th pants with his white sparkling socks and black shoes and started performing the world would hault and he would be in the spotlight. The soulful robot, the never-ending spin and the famous crotch clutch, which he first performed in his video for BAD became his signature steps, his performance won’t be complete without them. He won numerous awards, billboard no.1 spot was his second home and moreover he won a million, billion, trillion hearts all over the world.

‘She's saying that's ok
Hey baby do what you please
I have the stuff the you want
I am the thing that you need
She looked me deep in the eyes
She's touchin' me so to start
She says there's no turnin' back
She trapped me in her heart

Dirty Diana, nah
Dirty Diana, nah
Dirty Diana, no
Dirty Diana
Let me be!’

Only he was capable of making the improper piece of words sound so appropriate with his brilliant music, his music is not only catchy but it makes you want to stand up and dance. That’s the command his music has on one. Yes the guy was eccentric, yes he had a scandalous life, yes he lived with major insecurities but when he came out and did his thing people forgot everything. He became invincible again.

‘Susie got your number
And Susie ain't your friend
Look who took you under
With seven inches in
Blood is on the dance floor
Blood is on the knife
Susie's got your number
And Susie says its right’


MJ is forever, he aint goin nowhere. He is my exam time saviour and my new pass time buddy, his lyrics gonna keep me alive in a dull time, thank you MJ for your brilliant music and voice.
World not only remembers MJ as a singer or a musician but also as a humanitarian and that was what made him unique and genius at the same time.

‘And I Told About Equality
An It's True
Either You're Wrong
Or You're Right

But, If
You're Thinkin'
About My Baby
It Don't Matter If You're
Black Or White’

MJ in our hearts forever. Period.

YOU FOUND ME

In the starry lit sky
There’s the white moon shining
Looking at me, it smiles
I close my eyes and say your name
Hoping for you to hear it
Patiently standing, I wait
For good things to come my way
For you to see me standing there
I know, it’s asking for more
But asking is all I may
I can feel the cold air blowing my hair
The mist covering the path
Where I once blankly stared
Wondering to myself
Can I live with a hope?
Can life be fair?
It’s dark and hazy
And I lost my direction
Should I just stay for someone to find me?
Or should I just trail in moon’s projection?
I see a dark shadow
Proceeding towards me
I stand there afraid and cold
I narrow my eyes to see
But I can’t be thorough
He just holds my cold hands
And says a ‘hello’
In that moment, I recognize
My heart starts fluttering like a bird
And my lips trembling to find words
Wishes do come true, I realize
Looking at him my lips form a smile
For I knew he was the only one
Who could find me on a cold winter night
For he was the only one
Who could tell me it’s alright
I feel his chin touching my hair
I hug him so tightly
And I don’t even care
He had found me
Lost in my despair
All I had asked for was him
And he stood there
Smiling at me just the way I imagined
I lock my hands in his
Rest my head on his shoulder
Assuring that I felt protected
I stand on my toes to reach his ear
To whisper something that was due
To tell him that I love you

I MISS YOU

MOOD- LONELY

‘Sunset never looked so beautiful, the orange shade in the sky makes me believe that there will be another day, a brighter day and then it never happens’

Everybody loves sun rise, I am never awake to watch the sun rise. But when I sit in my room and watch the sun set from my window listening to that one song that warms my heart, I think about you, I miss you.

Even though life is a chaos, even though I am surrounded by people, I just can’t stop thinking about you. When I have to wait the entire day just to talk to you for 15 minutes, I feel frustrated because all I want to do is talk to you the entire time, but then I hear you voice and all is well in the world again. I forget everything and just start yapping, telling you about myself, about my day, it’s a habit now, I have to tell you about my day. I like it when you care, I like it when you tell me about yourself, I like it when you play your guitar.

I don’t know where we are or how you feel about me and honestly I don’t care, all I know is that we talk and you keep me sane and you don’t even know about it.

I hate it when your exams start and then we don’t talk for a month, you don’t even know how much I miss you, you don’t even know how much I always have in store to tell you. You just don’t know. But I like it when I hear your ‘hello’ and when you laugh, I like it when you think I am crazy and I like it when you scold me. I love the awkward pause after we say goodbye, its like we both find the suitable words to end the conversation and we just don't, we just end it.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be good enough for you, all I know is that I’m falling for you,I don't know where you stand, all I know is I want to stand with you and I don't know what future holds, all I know is that I want you to be in it.

‘it’s the one thing you make me do, you make me MISS YOU’

DESTINY GUY

MOOD- HOPEFUL

‘In all that you were, in all that you are, in all that you will be, all I know is that you are mine’

I remember the day when I saw him for the first time, as usual I was lurking around in the corridor, it was the beginning of the semester and I was completely lost looking for friends when I first saw him. I saw him and a smile formed on my face. My friend too liked that guy but it had been more than a month and we were getting nowhere with him, exams happened and I lost all hope of knowing him. I was sad, depressed and lost, in my depression I got heavily drunk at my college party and I saw him passing me, my eyes didn’t leave his face, he looked perfect, more than that. I remember sitting with my friend at 12 in the night looking at the brightly lit up moon, closing my eyes I uttered the word ‘destiny’ and as soon as I opened my eyes I saw him sitting right in front of me with his friends. I came to know his name, found him on facebook and out of me and my friend he chose to talk to me, When did the talking become into something else, I didn’t come to know. He was such a charmer; it was so easy to like that guy that I was falling for him without even knowing. We spent too much time together for almost 2 weeks and I observed him, listened to him deliberating things in my own head about him, I stopped myself from liking him but it happened and I had fallen for him. I would find him in college, get sad if I didn’t talk to him, felt hurt if he didn’t look at me and every time he saw me, he greeted me with his cute adorable smile.

He came into my life and made me realize that I did have a void, that I was living a mechanical life. He became my angel, he made me laugh again, he made me feel emotions again and moreover he helped me realize that losing one love isn’t the end of the world, he inspired me, he helped me to know that I had room for much more, that there was someone whom I would love again more and more.

At the end of the two weeks I could feel something was wrong between us, that he was growing distant and then he told me about the other girl he already liked, yes my heart did break but the best part was that he was the one who helped me through it, he didn’t abandon me, he showed me that he cared. We grew distant, we both started walking in other directions, it hurt every time I saw him, I started ignoring him and then keeping distance seemed like a better idea. I could feel myself forgetting him but I never forgot the time we spent together, all in all I was in my happy place again.

Today when I see him there are no feelings, he is somewhere there deep down in my heart acquiring a tiny little place, I came to know why I fell for him and why it was easy for me to just not like him anymore. He was a likeable guy, he was that happy go lucky person who could make any girl happy and I met him when I was lost and depressed in my own life and when something happy comes your way, you think its love but its not, it’s just infatuation.

I can’t thank him enough for bringing me back from the dead, for helping work me through my wounds, for being the way he was, for giving me such beautiful memories, for sharing all that he did and for bringing back my smile again.

There was a reason why I met you
And it wasn’t love
You came into my life
For another reason
To show me a new direction
To tell me that I could smile
You gave me memories for life
You taught me how to love again
In my heart there is a place for you
You are unforgettable
I wish you be in my life even tomorrow
For you are the only one
Who understood me instantly
For you are the one to bring happiness and sorrow
Back in my life
I will somewhere be in love with you forever....

COMEBACK

MOOD- CONFUSED

‘in my heart there are places I want to go, there are things I want to do, there are unfulfilled wishes, there are dreams I want to fulfil’

Almost a semester passed by without me rambling about anything in my blog, I feel like I have forgotten to write, it was something that came to me naturally but I feel like in my heart there is so much confusion, so much agitation that I don’t feel like writing anymore. Writing was one thing that kept me happy, that kept me sane, that it was one thing I am good at but now I am losing my confidence to even express myself on paper. I have a notebook with a collection of sheets filled with my everyday ramblings, surrounded by the one thing that keeps bothering me in college, the one thing that has kept me so occupied this whole semester. Things happened and it made me realize that life isn’t so easy, even if you do get second chances, it isn’t necessary that they are there for real. Even if I close my eyes all I can think about is the past and that is something I want to forget and look forward to the future.

The exam time is already here and it is the ending of another year, in winters it’s all white even the sun emits different colours. White isn’t my colour neither is winter my season but I survive, snowfalls I never enjoyed; too much cold just makes me sick. I love the rain, the sound of the raindrops splashing on the rooftop, the drops falling outside my window and the best part about monsoons is getting wet in the rain, it always brings a smile on my face. I even enjoy the sun, when its bright, sunny and warm, I feel secure, protected. I like the fact that in the sun my brown hair and brown eyes glow, I can wear warm colours and there is no cold. The cold air reminds me of pain, struggle and tears, it makes me cold. I know I am not supposed to feel that way but it is how I feel.

It has been a crazy semester, from bunking classes, to parties, to boring classes, to making new friends, to feeling alone, to feeling alive again, to going back to finding my way again. These 6 months have been a roller coaster ride. It’s been a journey from past to the future, it’s given me clarity and at the same time its taught me to feel something again.

‘Time heals all wounds, what if you don’t want the wounds to heal? What if you don’t want the memories to fade away? What if all you want to do is stay in this moment and feel this pain?’

SCHOOL DIARIES- PART 1

‘Three girls stood near the window, looking outside and daydreaming, discussing about the boy they loved, Thinking about the future and much more. To them, they could do anything even change future but was it possible? Now they know the answer to that question’

School memories are to be cherished, no matter how much humiliating they were. I have changed 8 schools; I had no clue why I was running so much, rather who was I running from? I still wonder.

School was a time to discover myself and be comfortable in my skin. In school, ambitions were not just limited to career choices, no! There was much more to it. Reputation was the most important part, I guess. Who had the hottest boyfriend or the hottest girlfriend? Who had the guts to snap back at the teachers? Who looked the finest? But later you realize looking perfect is just so overrated. For that time everyone is blinded and wants to gain the so called popularity.

Two years in my 8th school, I thought I had suffered enough pain; enough torment for a lifetime, but there is always a much worse thing waiting to hit you, which makes you realize that the pain before that, that was just a petty issue, this is far worse. And then you tell yourself, if you can go through this, you can go through anything; it gives you strength to face anything. Is high school more of a battle rather than a place where you just receive education? I would be definitely agree with the first one, high school is a battle which gives you tasks everyday but those tasks give you lessons for life. Some tasks are successful, in some you fail, but what matters is that we learn, we grow and we move on.

A group of friends can be of 15 people or just 3, what matters is which number makes you comfortable and happy. You can have 5 boyfriends or just 1, what matters is who gives you the most memories. In high school we are at our most vulnerable age, a period where we seek constant support and love. The one who gives us that, they become our confidants and the one who can’t, we hate them. Love, hate, betrayal, friendships, pain and ecstasy are the feelings one can feel in those 4 years.

Yes! School can be hard, yes! It can be difficult but then there are the good times which make you want to go back to school again, the moments which are meant to be cherished forever. For me there were so many, school was hard for me, it was sometimes just beyond tolerance but there were happy moments, in the end school really did give me memories which are priceless, it gave me friends for life and a love story to remember forever.

CHILDHOOD- YEARS WE CAN'T HAVE BACK

MOOD- THOUGHTFUL

‘Rain was pouring down outside but I didn’t feel like getting wet, it was like the rain wanted to tell me something but I was oblivious of it. All I could do was sit inside and watch the rain fall’

(it’s my own personal opinion and not intended to hurt anybody’s feelings or emotions)

When you are 18, you think to yourself, do you know enough about life? Have you seen the world enough? The answer is confusing, somewhere you feel that yes you do, but then an answer pops in your head, no and I don’t think so. There are still things we don’t understand, there are still things we would like to learn and there are still things we would like to know about. Every mistake is a step towards perfection and every right step is a step towards confidence.

As we grow old we think about are carefree days, we think about the days where we really were naive, days we would want to live again, our childhood- possibly the best days of our life. Growing up in the 1990’s just makes you feel lucky. We had cartoons which were worth watching, we had teachers who thought of us as their own and we didn’t have access to computers or so many TV channels, which somehow seems like a good thing today. We used to go out to play, we had friends and we were happy with the little things in our lives.

Today even if you are alone you can survive, there would be so much to do, watch TV or play games on the computer or buy a new digital toy and enjoy them. Has the modern technology deprived the children of their real childhood?

When we were growing up, our parents had not decided our occupation already, they had set us free to explore the world, nothing was pre determined for us, we were not forced into being a perfect child, if we were perfect, then we were perfect. Possibly for a child today everything is pre determined, they are made to join classes to learn a particular skill, they are constantly told what to do. Are modern parents just being ambitious? Or are they just preparing their kid to compete in today’s competitive world?

Yes, it’s true that today’s kid might have access to all those cartoons which we didn’t have, he might have access to all those video games which we couldn’t and he might be getting all those toys which we couldn’t. But where is the sense of freedom? Freedom to think, freedom to explore and the competition has become so fierce that even for an admission in the kindergarten, the child has to be smart. The kid is 3, how can he/she be smart? All they are at that age are carefree, lovable and naive.
Were we lucky to have a childhood where everything was pretty? We weren’t surrounded by modern technology all the time and we just went out and explored. When we get under the pressure of growing up, we say that childhood days were carefree, they were fun and we would like to go back to them. But is childhood that blithe and merry as it used to be? Is childhood really the age of just being yourself? Does childhood still offer freedom? Are we losing the true meaning of childhood? In order to make their children PERFECT, are modern parents really pushing their kids way too much? Has everything in life become a bargain? even childhood.

‘The things which the child loves remain in the domain of the heart until old age. The most beautiful thing in life is that our souls remaining over the places where we once enjoyed ourselves'

Rafael Nadal- story continues...

MOOD- Happy


‘I expect to have a lot of years to be here fighting to win this tournament, no? I am going to try all my life’ –Rafael Nadal

May 2009- March 2010

Months Rafael had been struggling, for these months he had been fighting. Everybody had given up on him, they thought he was over; they said that he won’t comeback. When Rafa won all the 3 grand slams and numerous other tournaments and became no.1 in 2008, they thought he was here to rule, he was the new King, Federer cried, he could see it coming, he could feel that he was going down and that there was someone better than him.

But during Roland Garros 2009, Rafa lost his touch, he lost his way, he couldn’t win the Grand Slam which he was born to win. After that loss, he just couldn’t recover, for months he failed to find his way back. Federer was back as King, he was breaking records while Rafa was still lost finding his way. Federer was enjoying all the attention he was getting, for him it was like a dream come true, he had broken all the possible records, he had gotten married and he had two beautiful twin daughters, his life was complete.

Rafa stood there in a corner waiting patiently to finally make his comeback, inside he knew he was ready; he just waited for an opportunity. He got it in Monte Carlo masters, he reached the final, he was feeling confident, he was feeling healthy and he was playing the clay court tour, he couldn’t have felt more at home. The final he played against a fellow Spaniard but he showed no mercy, he battered him, he had nailed it. He had declared that he was back. But it wasn’t enough for them, they still wanted more convincing. Rafa won Rome masters comfortably and proved again that he still had it in him, that he could still win.

The real test came when he reached the Madrid Masters final, he had booked a spot in the final against Federer, people were dying for a Federer-Nadal final and they had not seen them in action for long. This was a test for Rafa, to finally shut the mouths of critics, to finally tell everyone that he was not over. He showed them, he proved them wrong; he defeated Federer and won the tournament. He was going into Roland Garros healthy, three clay court titles under his belt, he was feeling confident. Rafa not only won the French Open, he owned it. The king of clay was back. Tennis world had got its No.1 back.

They had shut up, they were awestruck. Who could have thought he would become the world no. 1 again but he did. Now the eternal question was would Rafa repeat 2008 all over again? Would he win RG and Wimbledon back to back? Would he? Could he? Rafa made it to the finals; he was the clear favourite to win Wimbledon. The last point seemed to last an eternity, everybody was sitting holding their breath, was Rafa about to win Wimbledon too? Was he? And indeed he did. He won Wimbledon 2010. The tears of joy couldn’t stop, he just couldn’t stop smiling. For all those who had lived those terrible months with him, for all those who had supported him throughout, this was a big moment for them. Their king was back and he told people that this time he was here to stay. He made everyone believe, that it’s not over till you believe it is. He made people believe in fate, opportunities, hardwork and hope again. He hit the right spot at the right time and nailed it. He made us believe, he inspired us, he silently killed his critics and he made everyone love him.

WELCOME BACK RAFA TO THE PLACE WHERE YOU BELONG, NO.1 FOREVER!

‘He has this different vibe. He goes from looking downright predatory to all of a sudden having this goofy smile. The energy, the passion is just dripping out of him. When he is playing, it’s hard to watch the other side of the court’ – Times Magazine on Rafa Nadal

FREEDOM

MOOD- LONELY

'I look at the bird sitting on the branch of a tree, she’s chirping happily. She has something which we don’t, freedom, freedom to fly away’

A friend of mine asked me whether one man could achieve sovereignty, my answer was no, because I believe that we can maybe achieve freedom in the political sense but it is hard to achieve freedom in the moral sense. We will always be bound to the society. Always there will be someone asking questions and we would be answerable to them. What a state can do is, it can give us rights, rights that determine the extent of our freedom and when we learn that those rights are not absolute, we come to know that ultimate freedom is only a dream.

For coordination and harmony, we need a sovereign, someone or something who we believe has all the powers and freedom, the one which binds us all. Just like in our daily lives, a family needs a head, one which binds the rest. Once we are with that family, we lose all sense of freedom. When we are a kid, parents protect us, when we are adults, the state does. Do we need a protector at all times? Are we capable of protecting ourselves? Are we ready to live on our own, to achieve ultimate freedom?

A person living alone in a big city thought to himself once he has everything, he has his freedom, there is no one questioning him, he is bound to no one. He can sleep whenever he wants, eat whenever he wants, but he didn’t feel happy from inside. Did he not love his freedom? Or was he used to the idea of being bound to someone that he couldn’t cherish the true meaning of freedom? Would we be happy to be free? To have no one to answer, to have no one to caution us about anything, maybe or maybe not. Maybe we do need a protector at every point in our life. Maybe we are still discovering the meaning of the word ‘freedom’.

LET ME GO, LET ME BREATHE!

MOOD- GLOOMY

‘Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take pleasure in other people’s sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes’

I will get another chance at it I know, it just depends whether I will take that chance or not. You won’t ever know me like the way you used to, because we lost our way; we are never finding it again. I am far away, a place where you can’t possibly reach. Let me go, let me breathe.

Feeling good never caused pain, but this pain is a different kind of pain. It gives me pleasure, it makes me feel alive. The pain has subsided, I don’t even feel it anymore but I know it exists. The ironical part is that I do feel the pain but I am somewhere living peacefully and I feel happiness inside of me. I am just stuck in turmoil. I am confused.

I know what we were, I know what we can be if I give a chance but I won’t. You are a part of the past, the part I have given up on and I don’t have the strength to feel like that again. If we wanted, we could have had a smooth ride home but we chose to kill each other, wanted to make each other a part of the past. We think we can start afresh, start from a new page and we both want that. But the tragedy is that we also know somewhere that we can’t. I know you haven’t forgotten just like I haven’t, the hard part is not forgetting it, the hard part is facing it.

Don’t look at me like that, no! Don’t smile at me like that. I would melt away in your sweet words, I would trust you again and you would make me weak again. Don’t talk to me, don’t tell me how much you miss me, don’t tell me you remember everything because we can’t undo what has already happened and we don’t a stand a chance against the will of the nature. We can’t fight the fate, no! We shouldn’t be flippant with our hearts.

I am not going to lie, but I don’t remember anything that we shared or we had, I don’t remember the little things that made us happy. When you tell me about them I feel confused like I had a memory loss, like those memories were something I never lived. I know the day I remember I am going to be hurt just like I was; I don’t want the pain anymore. I am a coward or maybe selfish asking for my happiness. We can’t repeat the same mistake over and over again.

All that I’m asking for is for you to cut that last string which still binds us. Let me go and let me breathe. I can smell freedom already but you are still adamant not to let me go. You have to be selfless for once in your life, make me go, make me happy. If you truly love me you will understand what I say. You will understand that it is time that we both give each other a chance to live peacefully.

I know you, I can see inside you, I know you will let me go and I also know that somewhere deep down you will hope for us to come across each other someday. But I will know that once you let me loose I will never turn back, never ever think about you. I will move on.

I will be gone and I will breathe.

IT IS WHAT IT IS

MOOD- MUSICAL

'Today I have no thoughts, today I just want to sit quietly and listen to music that plays in my ears. Somewhere I have lost myself, the pain so indispensable inside, I am bleeding and I can’t stop. One day I’ll wake up and see the sunshine finally falling on my face and you would be standing in front of me smiling'

I give you the lyrics of the song ‘it is what it is’ by ‘lifehouse’. We have felt like this way at some point in our lives. Today i feel this way.


'I was only looking for a shortcut home
But it’s complicated
So complicated
Somewhere in this city is a road I know
Where we could make it
But maybe there’s no making it now

Too long we’ve been denying
Now we’re both tired of trying
We hit a wall and we can’t get over it
Nothing to relive
It’s water under the bridge
You said it, I get it
I guess it is what it is

I was only trying to bury the pain
But I made you cry and I can’t stop the crying
Was only trying to save me
But I lost you again
Now there’s only lying
Wish I could say it’s only me

Too long we’ve been denying
Now we’re both tired of trying
We hit a wall and we can’t get over it
Nothing to relive
It’s water under the bridge
You said it, I get it
I guess it is what it is

Here it comes ready or not
We both found out it’s not how we thought
That it would be, how it would be
If the time could turn us around
What once was lost may be found
For you and me, for you and me

Too long we’ve been denying
Now we’re both tired of trying
We hit a wall and we can’t get over it
Nothing to relive
It’s water under the bridge
You said it, I get it
I guess it is what it is

I was only looking for a shortcut home
But it’s complicated
So complicated'

CITY OF BLINDING LIGHTS

Mood- loving


‘We all have dreams, some come true and some break, we are sad when they break but then we make new dreams. When you are young everything seems like the end of the world but it’s not, it’s just the beginning’

Dreams are something which everyone has, we make some and we break some. We are all stuck in our monotonous lives, searching for something exciting. In a hope of finding it, we reach the city of blinding lights, the city where dreams are fulfilled, the city where everyone has a dream. You reach there and you don’t even realize when you lose your dream, lose yourself in that crowd. Then you just become any other person of that city, of that dream world. One thing you learn is not to give up on your dreams, even if it takes years. Patience is a virtue not everyone holds and yet the most successful people have it, because patience is all it takes to reach your destiny, your dream!


In the fast paced life of the city, in your own quest to fulfil your dream, you forget about yourself, you forget what you have become. All you want to do is be a part of the race, be the one to reach first there. When you’re running too fast, you can see your dream clearly and close, but you lose the track of time, the dream gets farther away. If you choose to have a steady pace, the dream, the destiny maybe blur but it is closer than you can think.


Sometimes in this rat race, there is no place for a person who follows his heart but his mind. Mind maybe rational, but heart knows what it wants. In the end you reach the place where your heart wanted to take you. You might regret decisions taken by mind, but you will never regret decisions taken by heart, even if you fail you make peace with it sooner or later and you think to yourself that you came to live a story which is just yours and no one else’s. It’s all about being at the right place at the right time.


To have a dream is easy but to make your way to that dream one needs courage, one needs to take a leap with closed eyes. But we choose to be safe, take a safer road, the safer road is the hardest, you are stuck in there thinking whether it was the right thing to do or not and by the time you decide to finally follow your heart, it is too late. It is too late to go back. It takes courage to give up on the safe path and start following your heart. But if following your heart is what keeps you happy, then do it. Maybe it’s late but what you get when you follow your heart makes it all worthwhile. I do believe that anything is possible. I do believe that we make our own destiny but I also believe that if you are meant to live your dream, no matter what you will get to live it.


So, stop thinking so much, get lost in the neon glow of the city of blinding lights, close your eyes, feel the wind in your face, imagine the dream in your mind and smile. Make a new dream and follow it.

HEY YOU! PERFECT GUY!

MOOD- PLAYFUL

‘Sitting, waiting, wishing, hoping for this life to get better. I don’t want to do as they say, I want to be 14 again and I want to be a rebel again’

When you have to listen to your parents even when you have become major is the most disgusting thing ever. When things don’t go your way, you just feel like saying ‘what a fucked up life, you are living’. And this is how I feel right now. So messed up in my head, living such a fucked up life and what hurts the most is that no one cares. I just want to scream, shout, have a fight; I just want to feel better. With screwed up exams, screwed up love life, screwed up surroundings and now screwed up parent-child relationships, tell me God what’s next? I don’t think it gets any worse than this.

But then with time everything gets better. It’s supposed to. You sleep and the next morning feels like nothing happened. It’s all about being patient.

Today a thought occurred to me, why does every girl seek their perfect guy? And who exactly is that perfect guy? Does he have some kind of a physical build up? Is he supposed to have blue eyes, fair complexion, be 6 foot tall? Or is he supposed to be a poet, a writer, a musician? Or is he just supposed to be a guy with a good heart? we can just think, but honestly deep down we don’t know. We don’t know anything. We don’t know the future, we don’t know when that moment comes when we just bump into our perfect guy or maybe we have already, but we failed to recognize him in this swarm of millions.

Look back, think about something unusual that had happened, did you feel something weird? Did you feel like you heart just skipped a beat? Did it? It was just a feeling, maybe you did or maybe you haven’t still but someday you will and when you live that moment, there’s nothing more you want but to live that moment again and again.
You get a big smile, your heart beat grows fast, for a fraction of second you have the sinking feeling. When you have it, you know it; it’s all that you want to ever feel. It’s just one of those feelings which you can’t have everyday, it’s only meant for someone special. And instantly like the universe itself whispered this, you know he is the perfect guy. He can have a million quirks and flaws but still his one smile would be enough to make you believe that nothing is wrong with him. He is right in so many ways. What really matters then is not how you feel about him but the way you feel when you are with him. It’s just a connection.

An excerpt from my diary:

“If you have a person who can make you smile by saying nothing, a person for whom you get dressed up in the morning and go to college, a person who has brought back the spice in your life. He makes it all worthwhile.

I see him every day in the morning or sometimes in between classes and just one glance of him makes my heart flutter like a bird, I have a bright smile on my face and I can’t stop staring at him. Life just gets better.

I may never talk to him; I might just stand there, a face in the crowd and stare at him but no matter what, I know for those few seconds he made me smile.

When I saw him the first time I started believing in love at first sight,it wasn’t the serious kind of love but it was definitely strong attraction. The way I felt, I had not felt like that in a long time. :)"

Since that day, I haven’t looked back and since then I have only smiled.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

MOOD- THOUGHTFUL

I don’t do poems, I don’t do short stories, I do write long stories and can’t find an end for them.... Maybe I am still in the process of searching for an end, when I find one I might be able to successfully write it....

When you have a day like today, you actually feel good about life. The series of unfortunate events turned to the series of fortunate events, there was only one bad thing in the entire day, my horrible history exam but even that couldn’t take away my smile.

A friend who can make you laugh, a friend who is always there, a friend who understands you without you saying a word, a friend who doesn’t need any explanation, a friend with whom you can’t be serious for more than 5 minutes no matter what, a friend who flirts with you, a friend who can gossip with you and lastly that one person, who can make your heart beats fast and make you feel alive again.
I share different relationships with all of my friends and I love them all with my heart. Like there is no substitute for salt in food, there is no substitute for a friend in life. Whenever you are happy, whenever you are low, it’s your friend who is always by your side smiling with you, crying with you.

There are a million people you might know but there will be that one person who knows you. Sometimes we seek that one person, when that one person is right in front of us.
Never take your friends for granted because you might not find them again. I came to a school where I was clueless and lost but in the end I know what I gained from that school, friends I never want to lose. Friends for life, no matter what happens, they make all the troubles, pain and grief worth it. “Smile, be happy and be cheerful, think about the good things in life and let go of the things which were just a lost cause” is what I have learnt through experiences. And look around, you might find that one person right behind you who would take away your loneliness.