I want to tell my story...

I have started a new blog:
https://struggletofindlove.blogspot.com

Its not an extraordinary love story but its a true one...Its life lessons, its just like anyone else's story out there. Its an adventure...its a beginning and an end. Its confusing, frustrating but somewhere there is true love. 

Where am I?

Broken and confused again...why are humans such emotional creatures? I always wonder why? We invest so much...so much of our feelings, so much of our life into that one person that when he walks away...we don't know where we stand without him. Our personality so dependant on him, our existence so dependant on him. In that moment we think there is no where to go...but eventually there is. Getting over a major heartbreak is tough...I got over one a long time ago but it was mostly one sided, but this one...this one I don't know how to. He did not only take a part of me with him...he took my happily ever after with him. For all those years when i loved him, cared for him...I never realised that it would ever end but it did. 

A song for me, a song for him
A kiss for me, a kiss for him
His touch, his smile, his vice
A love for me, a love for him

Pain that never seems to heal
Love that never seems to end
Hurt that only grows
Smile that never comes

Ask me how I am?
I got nowhere to go
Something still broken inside
Something still trying to heal

This world was for you and me
Where it was just you and me
O' Where did you go?
Why did you leave?

What did I ever do to hurt you like that?
What did I ever say to make you go away like that?
Did you even love me?
Did you even care?

This mind has so many questions
and no one to answer them
All I know, this love will never end
All I know is I am still asking after all this
Where am I?

DANCING FEET

'they said to dream but they never said what happens when they were broken'

Those shackles thrown in the air

We are dancing to the tunes of disco

These feet won’t stop

They will dance for love, for hate

For peace, for war

Enchanting music in the air

Devoid feelings, hypnotized soul

Dancing to the other side

Singing for glory, dreaming of love

Hope came through by the window

No more booze required

A smile, that takes away the pain

Mystical songs that surround the air

So, don’t let these feet stop

Let them move, let them dance

Oscillating between yin and yang

No decision to be made tonight

Just music and dance to be happy...

The Political Social Drama

We are the 'Zoozoo's of nature'. For people who don't know what a Zoozoo is, it is a cute chubby character created by the vodafone advertisers, to attract customers, to fill in some humor and to grab attention. What they didn't expect, is that those characters are real people, we are dumb, deaf, blind people waking up from the same bed, going back to the same bed to sleep again, repeatedly, everyday.

We listen to the same songs, meet the same people, songs that make you dance, people that make you happy. Life of a law student revolves around being sensitized about social issues, recent trends in law and a brief overview of how the system actually works, mind it, theoretically. So we sit in the secure confines of an  air conditioned classroom, in a state of the art campus. Basically this is five year of law course summed up, what we actually learn:

1. How to fill up 48 pages of answer sheet in 3 hours
2. How to fetch attendance from any means
3. How to sleep in those afternoon lectures
4. How teachers too, know that the only way to get students attention is to mention the word 'attendance' in the sentence

They train us to be social reformers, with professors giving big speeches on criticizing the politics and social norms and what we end up becoming are people in perfect, wrinkle free suits, minting more and more money every hour, making the richer, richer and letting the poor stay where they are. 'Poor? Oh yeah. I had studied something about them', answers the lawyer, who once in his class was forced to think about them and ask questions that would baffle the well read professor, now, he can't recall a single question he asked in the class.

We don't focus on an agenda until and unless it reaches a critical point. We debate, we research, we write with an ultimate goal to land a five figure salary. The question they ask us is not 'What is?' but 'What could be?' and we sit there in our fancy clothes, texting on our phones, thinking about what to eat in cafeteria or trying to have a conversation about someone doing something with someone.

Law school can teach you everything or nothing. There are too many things to be taken care of, too much that is everywhere...progress is jeopardized, the basic aim of development from center to the states is somewhere diluting, development is solely centralized. 'Why politics?' 'Why not results?' we learn. Those who really want to bring a social change end up learning everything and forgetting later, those who are not bothered then, well, they are not bothered anytime.

We call ourselves proudly, a secular, socialist, democratic state, but how much do we act like a democracy is the question that stays? I say we wait another 40 years for another modern leader like Gandhi or Nehru to take the reigns and save a drowning nation, leaders that would make the nation survive but not sustain. Further 100 years and more would be born. For now, the nations too much divided, too cruel with too much politics to bring any person down, and 'We the people of India' would blame the system and go back to our normal lives.

The preamble of our 'longest constitution in the world' starts with 'WE THE PEOPLE OF INDIA' and we the people of India are ignorant, delusional and forgetful.

The question stays...the answer: A strong opposition party, a social reformer as a leader...well, what then?


'There's a lot of work to be done, we haven't even started'

LOVING FROM A DISTANCE

'You're being missed terribly'

It was a nice summer evening
When you said goodbye
The time when my heart
Was starting to want things
You were leaving
With all your love and happiness

The pain of watching you go
Only the heart could explain
It takes one to love
But takes two to hold on
The little joys of life
You took away when you left

Ask my mind if it misses u?
It would deny, it would lie
Ask my heart if it misses u?
It would choose not to answer
It would be in fear
It would not want its feelings in vain

This booze, the little menace that it is
It doesn't fill the void anymore
These tears, they betray
They come unannounced
This smile of mine, a tantrum thrower
Refuses to come anymore

Its not the loneliness of today
But the longing of yesterday
To hold your hand
To hug you
To kiss you
To tell you that I love you

Forgetting is easy
Remembering is hard
Its easy to forget the last of everything
But hard to reminisce and hold on
And then I wonder
Why you keep crossing my mind?

A lifetime is not enough waiting
If you ask for more, I shall
Its not the waiting that causes pain
But the notion of being with you there
Because the wait is easy
But loving you is not

THE LOST SMILE

'Let the music play till it drowns all the fearful voices in my head. Let me erase that which causes so much pain'


All these vibrant colours 

Of the sky

Asking her to smile

Asking her to walk that last mile

Epitome of happiness, she achieved

Now she falls to the ground

Like a broken star

Peace was taken away

Even the shadow leaving her side

Must she falter while walking?

Must she stumble upon her words?

She do not know

She tried being her own saviour

She tried fighting her own battles

But now she was breaking

Now she was quitting

These conflicting sides

Of her own heart

These deliberations

Of her own head

She couldn’t fathom

Dream a little, she always said

But now she was battling

Those inner conflicts

Struggling to keep those

Flights of fantasies alive

Let her smile, she begged

Make her feel better, she said

For if she fell now

She won’t be able to

Stand again.

TO FRIENDSHIP AND MORE

'Love is nothing but friendship set on fire'


 The phone kept vibrating but he didn't bother to pick it up, he let it vibrate, he was too sleepy. Finally after ten minutes when he couldn't take it anymore he opened his one eye and checked the time, it was 3 am and then he saw the name. It was her, a smile came on his face automatically.

 'hello' he said in a coarse voice
'he is coming, he is coming tomorrow, he is coming' she was shouting on the phone

He woke up with a jerk and then realized what she was saying

 'who is coming?' he asked
 'you know, my boyfriend' she said
'oh really? that is an awesome news. What time is he coming?' he asked happily
 'He is landing around 8 in the evening, you are driving me to the airport' she ordered
 'yes of course I am taking you, I am so happy for you. Finally after two years he is coming' he said
 'yes I know. ok! sorry I woke you up but I was so excited. We'll meet in the evening, we will eat something and then go to the airport' she said
 'yes ok done' he said and then they both hung up

 He couldn't sleep that night. He had just met her an year ago and she had become his bestest friend, the things he couldn't share with anyone, he told it to her. She was the sweetest person and he cared too much for her. He had heard plenty of stories from her about the boyfriend but he had not come to India in 2 years as he was out for some work. And now after 2 years finally he was arriving back and he knew how happy she would be. He cared for her so much that he always told her that the day he came back, he would be so happy for her because he knew how much she loved him. They both had been inseparable in that one year and they had discovered a new meaning of friendship. He had been there for her whenever she needed him and she had been there for him without asking.

 The next evening he picked her up from the metro station, it was a typical winter evening with the sun almost about to set and the street lights lighting up the flyovers and the roads of the city. Today she felt happy, she felt there was magic in the air. They both got down near a restaurant and were walking when he saw the her face all lit up and that smile, that did't leave her face. She looked at him, he looked different today, there was confusion in his eyes yet his smile didn't leave his face, his hand felt awfully warm and secure today and there was a different feeling in her heart. She was happy that she was finally going to meet him but also somewhere her eyes didn't leave her best friend's face.

 They both ordered some food and then sat down
 'you look so tired' he said and started laughing
 'yes I couldn't sleep the entire night, I was so excited. But I look fine right?' she asked panicking
 'you look pretty, don't worry' he said and smiled reassuringly

 She looked at his smile, there was something missing in that today, the smile also looked confusing today. After they ate, they got into the car and were on their way to the airport. There was too much silence in the car, she kept looking outside the window, her heart beating faster every second and she frantically kept checking the watch. He kept looking at her being so fidgety and smiled, she was nervous he could sense and then he felt a feeling that he had never felt with her, he felt a feeling of jealousy, he couldn't understand whether it was envy he felt or something else. He was fighting in his head, how could he be envy? he was not in love with her and he always told her that, he was her friend but then why was this?! this! taking her to him...making him feel weird.

 They reached the airport and there was lot of traffic at the entrance, she looked at him with a doubtful smile and asked
 'Do I look ok?' 'yes, you look very pretty, don't worry' he said and smiled
 She sat there with her face showing all signs of nervousness, her hands clasped kept on her thighs and she was breathing heavily. He kept staring at her like if he even blinked she would vanish. Why was he thinking like that?!

 'you know I am so nervous, but I know all this will go once I see him' she said
 He nodded and then gave her a hug

 She felt nice after the hug, his hug was always so warm, that it made her feel confident, it made her feel that nothing could go wrong in the world.
 'thank you' she murmured without looking at him
 They parked their car and were standing at the arrival entrance. She was holding his hand throughout, she didn't feel like letting go, she was that nervous.

 'Don't worry, you are looking very pretty' he said and smiled

 She looked at him smiling, she smiled back too and she kept staring in his eyes, there was something she read in them, she couldn't understand what it was but there was something in his eyes. In that moment, she tore away her glance from him and looked at the entrance and there he was, her boyfriend walking outside and he had spotted her and he had the biggest smile on his face on seeing her. Her best friend let go of her hand and then she ran towards her boyfriend, she gave him a tight hug and just stood there with him looking at him smiling.

 He saw her running towards her boyfriend, in that moment he felt something breaking inside him, if he could he wouldn't have let go of her hand, he would have just stood there staring in her eyes holding her hand. As soon as he looked at her turning in his direction, he turned to face the other side and a tear drop escaped his eye, he was so happy for her but also somewhere he was sad. He was going through an emotion he had never felt. She brought so much happiness to him and now she was smiling looking at someone else. She turned to spot him, but he had vanished somewhere in the crowd. She saw her hand in her boyfriend's hand and felt strange, that touch was unfamiliar, it was not warm, it was not secure. Her eyes looked everywhere for him but he was gone, she turned too late.

FIX YOU

'He thinks I have loved too much and lost everything, He thinks I have gained just stories to tell and lost my touch with reality and what am I supposed to tell him? Am I supposed to tell him he is right? or Do I just sit and stare silently?'

Ropes of misery
tying me down
Someone open them please
Or in this sea of love
I might just drown

what I can't do
I can't even say it anymore
I don't know how I feel
Then why do you ask questions?
But somewhere I believe
We both seek the same answers

Someone inside me is screaming
Everyone around me has gone deaf
They are happy, they are beaming
Then why do I feel so out of place?
Then why do I feel so alone?

I am losing you, I am losing myself
I want you to walk away
I want myself to finally breathe
I want to go back home

These words that I write
Don't make sense anymore
Every word has a meaning
But suddenly they all seem daunting

There is more confusion than pain
This dark lit path
Never seems to end
I am trying to find some light
I am trying to find some hope

Nothing is forever
Everyone comes and leaves
Then why do you say you'll stay?
Then why do you want to stay?
This love had no future
But memories I hold are not in vain

I will resolve all this haziness
I will find a solution for us
I will make it easy for you
I will help you in finding the
Happiness you deserve
I will fix you...

THE PRINCE'S TALE- ALWAYS

'to love is to be patient'


Professor Severus Snape: misjudged, misinterpreted.

Harry potter had just stepped into the great castle of Hogwarts, he was unknown to the word ‘Magic’. There he found friends, he found his family. Hogwarts was his only home.

He was destined to fight the darkest wizard of all times, he was destined to defeat him and die. There were so many looking at Harry with a hope, so many protecting him, so many dying to keep him alive, but there was one man who did more than protection, he loved harry in his own way.
As the story of Harry potter begins and Severus Snape sets his eyes on the boy, he cannot stop staring and everyone thinks he hates the boy, he is evil. But the famous potions master of Hogwarts had more to him than just hatred, over the 6 books, Snape shows his own shades and somehow he is always there to protect harry without making it obvious. Harry’s first Quidditch match, Snape was protecting him, Snape protected him from the dementors, Snape protected him from Voldermort and he loved Harry in his own way.

The biggest twist in the entire series is probably the ‘Prince’s tale’, when all the cards are finally opened, when the truth is finally told to Harry, not only him but all of us get to know the real Severus Snape, a man who didn’t question but just loved. From the moment he had set his eyes on Lily, he was in love with her, she was his only friend, even when she married James, Severus was there loving her. He pleaded Dumbledore to save her, to keep her safe and in return was ready to do anything. The only reason he became an ally to Dumbledore’s army was because of his immense love for Lily.

When Snape is dying and he looks at Harry and says ‘you have your mother’s eyes’ one cannot stop themselves from getting teary eyed. When Harry goes back in his memories, he realizes who he really was, he was a man with so much love and hurt at the same time, he was a man who protected him the most, he was a man with so much courage that he died for love. When Snape hugs Lily and cries his heart out one can understand the torment and suffering of the man who still loved her so much, so much that he was ready to protect her only son with all the strength he had. From the evil headmaster his character takes a turn and becomes the most intense character in the book. He becomes more than just Severus Snape trying to bring down Harry Potter.

19 years later, Harry Potter while leaving his son to embark on the same journey which he had started when he was 11, told him ‘Albus Severus Potter, you have been named after two headmasters of Hogwarts and one of them was the bravest man I ever knew’ and he was right when he said that Severus Snape, was indeed the bravest man anyone ever knew.

Professor Severus Snape didn’t die in vain, he died for love and to die for love is the best way to go.

DREAMS

'she closed her eyes to see his face all she could see was his shadow and nothing more'

‘Dreams’- a word with so many interpretations, with so many directions. Dreams can be the one seen while sleeping and dreams can be the one aspired to be achieved. A word is just a word; the meaning of that word makes it beautiful. The meaning of the word dreams makes it lively, makes it so extraordinary, it’s not just a word, it’s an experience worth risking and then the question comes up how far are you going to stretch yourself to live that dream?

The most common conflict within a person is to choose between their dream and love and then the question of love comes up. What do you actually mean by love? Everyone has their own subjective interpretation of this word, the word is just the same, the meaning differs from person to person and it’s the meaning that changes the whole perception of a word. When you have too many options, it is hard to choose, but when the choice is between living your dream and having the one you love, the mind and heart are in a constant fight. Alone with love one cannot be happy and alone with dreams one cannot be satisfied. If the dream is not shared with someone you love, that dream is not worth living. The best dreams are lived when that someone special is right beside you holding your hand and is happy for you.

Are dreams worth fighting for? If we didn’t have dreams we would not have goals and we would never move forward, we would be stuck in a non traffic zone constant and confused. Even in our worst of times, dreams are capable of getting a smile on our face, so maybe dreams are worth fighting for ,Would you give up everything to live that dream? Then would that dream be worth living for? When everything in life is utterly wrong and sad we feel we don’t have anything worth living for but that happens when a dream shatters, when it’s broken beyond repair we give up, we forget that if one dream breaks the other one can be made, that is the beauty of dreams. They are never constant and they never let us are constant, they keep us moving, pushing us to our maximum limits, fighting, arguing, winning and losing.

Dreams do not make us, we make them. Why let a dream overpower us so much that when it breaks it hurts us beyond comparison? Maybe because to achieve that teeny tiny little dream, a mountain worth of effort was put in, but if the effort was good enough then why did it fail? It didn’t, it just made us realize our own mistakes and gave us a chance to correct them. It’s not about having the right dream, the right effort, the right outcome; it’s about taking that leap of faith again and again to dream again and again, to rise above all the failures and to make mistakes again.

‘Dreams are beautiful, they are pretty and they make us who we are’

SONG FOR THE HEART

'Slowly she was giving up, she couldn't get through him, he was in love with someone else and she was trying to make a way in, now she started realizing, it was pointless, as useless as it could be, he was more than a friend but still somewhere just a friend'


Hold on little heart
Don’t stop beating so soon
There is more to life
Than you can imagine
There is a sun that rises
There is a moon that shines

It’s not too late for you
So wake up and breathe again
Let the darkness go away
And light make its way
You can’t grow numb so soon
Feelings are a part of you

Why do you feel so much pain?
Why do you feel so much joy?
Make a new way
Feel something more
Nobody is going away
Nobody is leaving you alone

Hear the words of the brain
It sometimes makes sense
I know you fight with it a lot
But at least it cares enough
To make you find a way

Don’t love so much
Don’t think about breaking down
In my eyes you will live
No matter how much pain
So don’t slow down so soon

Have a little faith in me
Don’t try to express so much
I know you want to let it go
Don’t try so hard to
Try to make a wish
Maybe it might come true

I am talking to you
Trying to keep you awake
Don’t sleep so soon
My dying heart
Open your eyes
You still got so much more

There is a string
Binding you and me
I feel when you feel
I cry when you cry
Don’t worry
You haven’t let me down

I promise not to blame you
I promise to fathom
I promise to just be there
Little heart, I love you
Wake up, wake up to a new sunrise

THE FIRST EMOTION

it's a feeling I want to remember, the first of everything is always memorable

Bright, happy eyes looked at me,
They had a mystery unsolved,
I was hooked,
Your innocence was intriguing

It’s not every day,
That I find a smile so fascinating,
I had found a reason to stay,
I had found a reason to stop and stare

In the midst of the crowd,
It was easy to find you,
And then I wondered,
It could be a trivial possibility of a cue

When you walked,
You made heads turn,
When you smiled,
You made everyone smile

I remember the time,
When I passed you and you turned,
The feeling so sublime,
Something inside me churned

You stood afar,
Glaring at me,
How could my thoughts be not bizarre?
How could I be blithe?

It was a feeling,
I had not felt in so long,
You made me smile,
You kept making me look at you,
Again and again

Perfection was in your eyes,
It made me see dreams once more,
Perfection was in your smile,
It made me believe in life once more

When I first looked at you,
I knew you were here to stay,
My intuition came out to be true,
And you really stayed...

FINDING MYSELF GROWS 1 YR OLD

‘She saw him and every time she did she felt at peace but suddenly her smile had vanished when she looked at him, she was torn between the past, present and future and that when she herself believed that all three are individual time frames, yet she was getting lost keeping them separate’


It’s unbelievable to think that my blog survived for so long, it has been over an year finding myself, now the question for me is have I found myself? Writing keeps me sane; I always believed that, it always calmed me down even in the most panicky situations. When I am anxious I don’t need a friend, I need a pen and a paper.

So when I started this blog, I had a plan and a good one. It was all laid out, chalked out, month by month, year by year. I was going to learn, introspect and keep walking. I had already wasted a lot of time in my life doing unproductive things and now it was time to show some productivity, I was going to find meanings to things, I was going to find meaning to my life and I was going to find myself, the self I was departing from.

It’s stupid to think that plans will always work out, that priorities will never change and it is even more foolish to think that everything will as constant as it is now. It doesn’t take time for things to change, for meanings to change, for me lose my way again.

Things happen, incidents occur, that make you want to live again, make you want to change the course of life again. And so it happened, unexpectedly things changed overnight and by overnight I mean literally ‘overnight’. It took one night for my whole world to turn upside down, for my plans to go back in the trash. It was not something planned and it is never planned.

Serendipity, one would think, but was it really that? Serendipity means when you find something that you were not expecting to find. It’s an accidental discovery, good or bad? Nobody knows. In my case I am still figuring out, I want to stick to good and that is where I stand now.
And then I wondered whether a person is capable of changing the other so drastically? I changed because of someone and I like the change in me. Everyone around me believes that I have changed, I just think I matured. I just think I grew out of the ‘kiddish fantasies’, I just think I started living in reality.

So did I really find myself? In a way I did. The process of finding myself still goes on and it is a never ending process. But I do know from the first post of this blog till the last post, I am not the same person anymore. I have changed and I have found myself in a big way. My perspectives, my opinions, my plans, everything has changed. Now I don’t make big plans, just little ones to get me through every day.

‘Happy anniversary to my blog and I am surprised that I was patient enough to write so much, to put up with it, usually I just give up easily or get bored but I guess change has really set in. For this post and for many more to come’

IT IS SIMPLE, JUST TRY!

‘no thoughts tonight, feeling at peace lately, maybe it’s the silence before a storm, what future holds, I don’t know but the anticipation is somewhat exciting’


She was a pretty face in the crowd; he was just another shy, cute nerd in the making. Whenever he saw her in the corridor, his heartbeat would fasten and he would think about talking to her but he was at the lowest in the social status bar and she was someone everyone was around.
She would look at him and even though she pretended she didn’t notice, in her heart she was smiling. She would meet his engaging grey eyes, prettiest pair of eyes she had ever seen. She would pass him without a prominent glance but in her mind she wanted to look at him once again, take in that last long look but she never dared to.

If they felt then why didn't they say anything? Is social status so important? Are materialistic things so important? Can’t it be simple for once? If that person makes you smile, if that person warms your heart, isn’t that person worth everything? Worth every sacrifice? Worth every compromise? Why is it complicated? Does simple love exist? And then a friend asked me a question ‘the love they show in movies, does it exist?’, for him I answered a yes but it’s a question not worth asking, an answer not worth seeking. Love is vague, it’s different for everyone. For one it is a heart break so major, memories that would haunt him for life and for the other it’s a whiff of fresh air, it’s knowing no matter the hurt or the pain, it’s those little moments that make you smile matter.

BERRY BERRY STRAWBERRY

‘I will wear a red sweater and green cap tomorrow to look like a strawberry; she laughed but didn’t know how to react’

I love strawberries, possibly the only fruit I like so much that I want to have it every day. When my strawberries finish, I feel depressed and unhappy. I miss my strawberries, now that they have finished. If strawberry could be a real human being, I would love him so much. I would not want anything else but just me and my strawberry. So my obsession with strawberries is unknown to people but only a few know. It’s my deep dark secret, it’s my addiction and it’s my indulgence. It’s not any berry, its strawberry, its red and its yummy. :D

LOSS OF WORDS

'He could love someone else, but she would always love him'


You wait for my words
I am afraid to say anything
You look outside, seek help
I just look at you admiringly

Would there be a future for us?
Would we ever cross the line?
Maybe future isn’t for us
Maybe there are no lines

Do you believe in destiny?
Do you hunt for reasons too?
Our destiny is sealed already
Reasons are few

Your smile is deceiving
Your eyes tell me the truth
I can’t figure out the reality
But I want to believe it’s you

It’s me asking questions this time
Can you even hear me?
It’s me waiting for answers
Do you even have any?

Yet here I stand with you
Still feeling the same
Still not expressing
Still hesitant

With you love is not just a word
It’s an emotion
With you holding your hand
Is not just an action
It’s my way of saying, I care

I would bury my feelings
Somewhere deep down
But I would still look into your eyes
And feel so much love

Let me have this feeling forever
Don’t make it vanish
It’s my magical world
Where you and me would never perish

THE EPIC WIN

'Happiness isn't just a word, it's an emotion. Even though I am not a cricket fan, I don't like to watch Cricket matches at all but yesterday was something nobody could miss it for the world, for it was not just a match, it was a battle and a battle well won'


One Wednesday afternoon a nation went silent. Offices, colleges and schools got closed; everybody got glued to their television sets. It hadn’t even started and people were already high on emotions. The anticipation of a miracle, the expectations of a billion people and most of all the pressure and responsibility on those 11 men wearing blue, was this going to be their day? Was India finally going to be in the world cup finals? Nobody knew the answer and then I wondered did they even care? Everyone whom I knew wasn’t even interested in the cup; they just wanted them to win against the Pakistanis, a match so well awaited that even if it was being played in the initial rounds of the world cup it would have the same effect as the final of the world cup.

World cup 2011 of cricket: The best cricket team so far of India and everybody in good form. When India beat Australia, people were celebrating more than that people were waiting for the next match. Indians were to face the Pakistanis, even the non cricket lovers got awaken, not out of love for cricket but for being patriotic. 30th march 2011, a day that will be remembered by everyone, when Indians won the toss and chose to bat, everybody thought it was a good decision, luck was in our favour, maybe we could win this match. Mohali pavilion was jam packed, full of Indians and Pakistanis, ministers, actors, NRI’s had flown in from different states and nations. It was not only time for some cricket, it was time for war, was it really a war? Was it just a game? It was more than that, it was about respect, it was about living upto the hopes of those billion people praying, it was not only about winning, it was about our nation’s pride.

It was a day where cricket was being played between the two rival nations, people cheering in the stands holding banners that talked about friendship with Pakistan, but it was also a day where the prime ministers’ of both the nations would meet after the 26/11 terror attack. ‘Cricket diplomacy’ is the word coined for their meeting, unofficial as they termed the meeting, many issues would have been discussed. A time where one prime minister could take an initiative and start the peace talks again, a time where everybody would be distracted with cricket and they could discuss the fate of those billions.

When the two opening batsmen of India walked into the pavilion with their head held high, bats in their hands, chest pumped up and with only one thing mind, to win today. They walked in and the crowd roared at the top of their voices, one of them was called God and the only hope for India. The start to the game was unexpected, Sehwag thrashing the Pakistani bowlers with fours and Tendulkar being as cautious as he could be. When the first wicket was taken for Sehwag the stadium went quiet, it was too early for him to go, even he knew that but he gave Indians a good start. The match went on, whenever an Indian came on strike, the crowd would cheer loudly, they would roar at the top of their voices, chant their names, they just wanted to see them win. Wicket after wicket, the scenario for Indians had just turned, Pakistanis were too good with the ball and Indian players were baffled, they didn’t have an answer to their attack, they were helpless and tensed. When Yuvraj went on duck, everybody knew the match was going in favour of the Pakistanis, they were happy, they knew they had nailed it, they had made them weak. The scoring of the runs went slow, everybody in the stadium sat holding their breaths, would we make even a 200? Everybody thought, keeping fingers crossed, somehow Tendulkar struggled and steady he managed to make enough runs to let India survive. At the end of the 50 overs with 260 runs first half was over, India somehow struggling, managed to make enough runs for them to chase, Raina the last batsman to play was able to keep India’s hopes still high. He was the last hope for everybody and he somehow managed to prove them right.

The second half of the match started, everybody knew India’s weakness, bowling wasn’t their forte and coordination wasn’t one of their best qualities. But for just one day, for one match could they work as a team? Because even they knew the gravity of the situation, Pakistanis were happy with what they had done, they were relaxed. But then India did show their greatness, the second half of the match became the best part of the match, with bowler after bowler taking wicket after wicket, it was a glorious day. The shouts, the screams, the roars of people in the stadium whenever somebody got out were beyond comparison, that’s how ecstatic everybody was. Yuvraj, was agitated with the way he got out and he took his revenge right, he got 2 wickets. The team coordination, the fielding, the motivation and the determination to win was visible on everyone’s faces. The last over, the second last ball, people already celebrating on the streets, the win, with just one more wicket left, the Indians did not give a chance for all the balls to get finished, for the 50 overs to end, they took the last wicket on the second last ball and ended the match themselves.

There were firecrackers everywhere, people were on the streets celebrating and players were running around with wickets happy. For India, we had already got the cup. This was their epic win and they had done it, they managed to give those billion people a reason to be happy, forgetting their worries they got lost in the celebrations. It had been a good day not only for them but the entire country. For everybody the next morning was going to be a good one, where going to offices, schools and colleges won’t be that painful.

When I went on facebook and read a friend’s status, I instantly liked it; it was an epic status for an epic moment. ‘One nation just had an orgasm’ and indeed it was that happy for them.

In India, cricket is religion and one thing that can bring the entire nation to forget everything and bring everyone together, yesterday was that day.

SOMETHING FOR YOU

the haphazardness of the words explains how haphazard my feelings are

'I feel and that is what I do best'

In my own inhibitions and doubts
I found you
I looked at you and I found hope
My heart wanted to take the leap of faith
My mind reluctant

When I looked in your eyes
I found my happiness
In mine, you found yours
When you smiled at me
My thoughts went incoherent
I fumbled to say the easiest words
When you understood me
Even without me saying anything
I thought I had found a friend

But later I realized
You were more than that,
A friend would never make me blush
A friend would never leave me breathless
A friend would never make my heart skip a beat
The moment I crossed the line
And felt something more for you
I knew there was no turning back

The feeling was so potent and pure
I never wanted to let it go
I wanted it to engulf me
Like a warm blanket on a cold winter night
Whenever I was with you
I felt loved, I felt happy

The way you looked at me
It always left me smiling
When you thought so hard
I wished to know what you were thinking
When you held my hand
I wished to know how you felt

All those times when you were not looking
I stood at a distance admiring you
There were so many words floating in my head
You didn’t even know about them

With your bittersweet farewell
You will be giving me memories
To keep me going without you
I never knew it was possible for me
To fall so hard, so fast
And then you came along
With all your stories
Of grief and joy
You changed the way I perceived

No I am not perfect,
Maybe I am not the one for you
But somewhere you brought me back from the dead
With you I never asked
And I still won’t
I don’t expect, I fathom
I don’t care about her,
I am just a tad envious

With the new directions you gave me
I am walking on that road
But now I seemed to have lost the map
All that scepticism clouding the path again

In my own hurt, I will expect you
To find me again
There is a premonition I have
About a future so unreal yet so sweet
Where you will be mine and I will be yours

NEW DIRECTIONS

‘sitting on the swing she looked at the yellow neon light brightening up the park, the green grass didn’t look green, the trees in the dark looked scary, she looked up to see the sky hoping to find something beautiful in it and the sky looked black and dead as it could with no stars to make it look pretty, with no moon to add glamour to it and the night for her was as lifeless as it could be’



I am sick of the mundane routine of my life, I wanted some action, something to make me feel that I was growing and I never really found anything. I was one of those kinds who would get restless and agitated because of some change or because things were too uncertain, uncertainty never made me curious, it just killed the little bit curiosity I might have had. And then I thought to myself why couldn’t I let loose? Why couldn’t I just approach life as it came? Why did I think so much? Why didn’t I just take a leap of faith and forget about it? Why had I changed into freakish paranoid maniac? I had no answers or maybe I did have one and didn’t want to admit it to myself. I wanted something new to happen, just something to happen.

Although life was giving me enough drama to keep me entertained but I was the one who refused to be entertained and then why did I seek change so much? Why was I unable to understand my own mood? Did I want to listen to ‘diary of jane’ or was I in the mood of ‘every breath you take’? I didn’t know. Why was I experiencing so much restlessness? I wanted peace.

So one Sunday morning I woke up and decided to change the direction of my bed, clean my room finally and I did that. I sat on my newly directed bed looking at my clean room and a smile formed on my face. This did feel like a god change, atleast it was a change. I lied down sighing thinking this felt good, atlast I think I had found some peace. So can a small little thing like a bed change have the ability to change the way you feel, I think so or maybe it’s just me. And then I realize how it’s not about the big changes, how it’s not about the big opportunities, it’s about the little things that make you happy.

YOU 'ROCK' MY WORLD

‘two girls sat on the stairs eating chips and coke, for them an ordinary sunny day thinking and telling each other random gossips about others and then the conversation takes another course, one of them asks questions, the one answers and tells her story, the one with questions suddenly was at a loss of words, forgetting how to react’

Three friends driving back home, talking and laughing, right that moment a song plays on the radio, reminds them of the one common thing between them, MUSIC. They switch the radio to cd and play their favourite one, it took them two hours to reach home, mad traffic, people honking, summer heat yet those three didn’t bother, shouting at the top of their voices they were already transported to another world, where there was no pain, no sadness, no problems, just sheer madness and the thrill of becoming a kid again.

It were the same songs again and again on repeat. There was power in music, it transformed them, it made them have fun, made them laugh, made them extremely crazy. They were transferred to a parallel universe, they were in their world, where realizations were millions, thoughts endless and yet their mind was blank. They were just living in the moment.

Rock or not, it was me and my friends trying to forget all that happened, trying not to think about the future, just living in the present, feeling good about things, feeling a different kind of high, one that didn’t come from any booze or drug, one that came from the company of good friends, one that came from acting like a kid again, one that came from being mad again.

‘if it wasn’t for you, how would I have realized what I was missing out on, how would I have known that future had more to offer’