FINDING MYSELF GROWS 1 YR OLD

‘She saw him and every time she did she felt at peace but suddenly her smile had vanished when she looked at him, she was torn between the past, present and future and that when she herself believed that all three are individual time frames, yet she was getting lost keeping them separate’


It’s unbelievable to think that my blog survived for so long, it has been over an year finding myself, now the question for me is have I found myself? Writing keeps me sane; I always believed that, it always calmed me down even in the most panicky situations. When I am anxious I don’t need a friend, I need a pen and a paper.

So when I started this blog, I had a plan and a good one. It was all laid out, chalked out, month by month, year by year. I was going to learn, introspect and keep walking. I had already wasted a lot of time in my life doing unproductive things and now it was time to show some productivity, I was going to find meanings to things, I was going to find meaning to my life and I was going to find myself, the self I was departing from.

It’s stupid to think that plans will always work out, that priorities will never change and it is even more foolish to think that everything will as constant as it is now. It doesn’t take time for things to change, for meanings to change, for me lose my way again.

Things happen, incidents occur, that make you want to live again, make you want to change the course of life again. And so it happened, unexpectedly things changed overnight and by overnight I mean literally ‘overnight’. It took one night for my whole world to turn upside down, for my plans to go back in the trash. It was not something planned and it is never planned.

Serendipity, one would think, but was it really that? Serendipity means when you find something that you were not expecting to find. It’s an accidental discovery, good or bad? Nobody knows. In my case I am still figuring out, I want to stick to good and that is where I stand now.
And then I wondered whether a person is capable of changing the other so drastically? I changed because of someone and I like the change in me. Everyone around me believes that I have changed, I just think I matured. I just think I grew out of the ‘kiddish fantasies’, I just think I started living in reality.

So did I really find myself? In a way I did. The process of finding myself still goes on and it is a never ending process. But I do know from the first post of this blog till the last post, I am not the same person anymore. I have changed and I have found myself in a big way. My perspectives, my opinions, my plans, everything has changed. Now I don’t make big plans, just little ones to get me through every day.

‘Happy anniversary to my blog and I am surprised that I was patient enough to write so much, to put up with it, usually I just give up easily or get bored but I guess change has really set in. For this post and for many more to come’

IT IS SIMPLE, JUST TRY!

‘no thoughts tonight, feeling at peace lately, maybe it’s the silence before a storm, what future holds, I don’t know but the anticipation is somewhat exciting’


She was a pretty face in the crowd; he was just another shy, cute nerd in the making. Whenever he saw her in the corridor, his heartbeat would fasten and he would think about talking to her but he was at the lowest in the social status bar and she was someone everyone was around.
She would look at him and even though she pretended she didn’t notice, in her heart she was smiling. She would meet his engaging grey eyes, prettiest pair of eyes she had ever seen. She would pass him without a prominent glance but in her mind she wanted to look at him once again, take in that last long look but she never dared to.

If they felt then why didn't they say anything? Is social status so important? Are materialistic things so important? Can’t it be simple for once? If that person makes you smile, if that person warms your heart, isn’t that person worth everything? Worth every sacrifice? Worth every compromise? Why is it complicated? Does simple love exist? And then a friend asked me a question ‘the love they show in movies, does it exist?’, for him I answered a yes but it’s a question not worth asking, an answer not worth seeking. Love is vague, it’s different for everyone. For one it is a heart break so major, memories that would haunt him for life and for the other it’s a whiff of fresh air, it’s knowing no matter the hurt or the pain, it’s those little moments that make you smile matter.

BERRY BERRY STRAWBERRY

‘I will wear a red sweater and green cap tomorrow to look like a strawberry; she laughed but didn’t know how to react’

I love strawberries, possibly the only fruit I like so much that I want to have it every day. When my strawberries finish, I feel depressed and unhappy. I miss my strawberries, now that they have finished. If strawberry could be a real human being, I would love him so much. I would not want anything else but just me and my strawberry. So my obsession with strawberries is unknown to people but only a few know. It’s my deep dark secret, it’s my addiction and it’s my indulgence. It’s not any berry, its strawberry, its red and its yummy. :D

LOSS OF WORDS

'He could love someone else, but she would always love him'


You wait for my words
I am afraid to say anything
You look outside, seek help
I just look at you admiringly

Would there be a future for us?
Would we ever cross the line?
Maybe future isn’t for us
Maybe there are no lines

Do you believe in destiny?
Do you hunt for reasons too?
Our destiny is sealed already
Reasons are few

Your smile is deceiving
Your eyes tell me the truth
I can’t figure out the reality
But I want to believe it’s you

It’s me asking questions this time
Can you even hear me?
It’s me waiting for answers
Do you even have any?

Yet here I stand with you
Still feeling the same
Still not expressing
Still hesitant

With you love is not just a word
It’s an emotion
With you holding your hand
Is not just an action
It’s my way of saying, I care

I would bury my feelings
Somewhere deep down
But I would still look into your eyes
And feel so much love

Let me have this feeling forever
Don’t make it vanish
It’s my magical world
Where you and me would never perish