‘She saw him and every time she did she felt at peace but suddenly her smile had vanished when she looked at him, she was torn between the past, present and future and that when she herself believed that all three are individual time frames, yet she was getting lost keeping them separate’
It’s unbelievable to think that my blog survived for so long, it has been over an year finding myself, now the question for me is have I found myself? Writing keeps me sane; I always believed that, it always calmed me down even in the most panicky situations. When I am anxious I don’t need a friend, I need a pen and a paper.
So when I started this blog, I had a plan and a good one. It was all laid out, chalked out, month by month, year by year. I was going to learn, introspect and keep walking. I had already wasted a lot of time in my life doing unproductive things and now it was time to show some productivity, I was going to find meanings to things, I was going to find meaning to my life and I was going to find myself, the self I was departing from.
It’s stupid to think that plans will always work out, that priorities will never change and it is even more foolish to think that everything will as constant as it is now. It doesn’t take time for things to change, for meanings to change, for me lose my way again.
Things happen, incidents occur, that make you want to live again, make you want to change the course of life again. And so it happened, unexpectedly things changed overnight and by overnight I mean literally ‘overnight’. It took one night for my whole world to turn upside down, for my plans to go back in the trash. It was not something planned and it is never planned.
Serendipity, one would think, but was it really that? Serendipity means when you find something that you were not expecting to find. It’s an accidental discovery, good or bad? Nobody knows. In my case I am still figuring out, I want to stick to good and that is where I stand now.
And then I wondered whether a person is capable of changing the other so drastically? I changed because of someone and I like the change in me. Everyone around me believes that I have changed, I just think I matured. I just think I grew out of the ‘kiddish fantasies’, I just think I started living in reality.
So did I really find myself? In a way I did. The process of finding myself still goes on and it is a never ending process. But I do know from the first post of this blog till the last post, I am not the same person anymore. I have changed and I have found myself in a big way. My perspectives, my opinions, my plans, everything has changed. Now I don’t make big plans, just little ones to get me through every day.
‘Happy anniversary to my blog and I am surprised that I was patient enough to write so much, to put up with it, usually I just give up easily or get bored but I guess change has really set in. For this post and for many more to come’
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