WARNING SIGN

‘Stars are shining, moon is bright and sky is lit up for once tonight, what is so special tonight? I think and I don’t know the answer’


Playing the song on repeat that reminds me of you the most, it’s hard to let go of your thoughts, it seems as if there is no escape now, all I crave for now is to hear your voice, to know that you are alright. There was no warning sign, when I was looking for one, there was no more truth, no more lies, everything just went silent. Saying that I miss you would be an understatement, it’s hard to figure out the reasons for the current situation and I really want to know. Were my inhibitions correct about you? Or just like everyone you deceived me too, concealed the true you. I refuse to believe, I saw something in you and I can’t be wrong. They say you can’t be exactly correct about someone and obviously not about someone you haven’t met in a long long time and I smile because even though I believe that theory too, I know you are an exception to it. I can be wrong the first time, the second time but not the third, never the third. In all these words all I am trying to say is that I miss you and that I have started doubting myself.


When I would be sitting outside feeling the cold breeze blowing my hair, listening to our song, I would remember your laugh and smile again. And this is how much I miss you.

HAPPY 2011

‘This life is mine, it’s yours, it’s ours, only we can make the most of it’

The year 2011 started with a bang and a series of bad news not only for me but for many around me. Obviously everyone thinks that things will get better next year and that is what everyone thought, everyone hoped for. ‘Hope’ a four letter word with so much power, power to make us believe, power to make things look brighter than what they are. In the beginning of this year I was in my cynical mood and I couldn’t figure out the difference between happy and sad. But now I can and even though things are just as bad as they could be for everyone, I still believe that this year is going to be a better year. I maybe 10 days late but still New Year just started for everyone and I hope and I wish that it becomes the best year for everyone so far. So a big HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I think all this positivity and festive mood is the result is an overdose of family movies and holiday songs. :D

‘Because we get one life and one 2011, so why be so sad'

SHE GOT NO ONE

'You kindle me with your charm,
later I realize it was all a charade,
I feel nothing anymore,
heal me with your smile,
thats all I ask,
for I am so broken inside'


She saw a light afar, someone, somewhere was calling her. She stood there frozen, she couldn’t walk anymore and maybe she was hallucinating. She had made it so far without her mother and she knew she could go further but she looked back to look for her mother and just saw the slick sheet of ice. Tears had dried up, there were so many who were killed and who would be killed, the shouts, screams still haunted her. She didn’t know what they did to her mother but she wanted to know and there was no one to provide her with answers, she had fled the camp, escaped it with those few people who managed to. She ran so fast and so far that she lost them and now she stood somewhere in the middle of nowhere, ice all surrounding her and her clothes not enough to protect her. The cold breeze embraced her and she was shivering. She thought after losing her mother to those merciless creatures, her escape would take her somewhere and then later she understood that there was nowhere left to go. She had lost her family in the war, even though she was ready to fight, her will was disappearing, they said ‘nobody ever breaks out of that god awful place but she managed and she ran with that hope of going somewhere and now she was nowhere.

The cold was killing her, her body turning blue and there was no one to cry for help, she couldn’t fight it anymore, the light she saw so bright ahead was diminishing, her eyes were closing, she knew if she fell unconscious now, she wouldn’t be able to survive and closing her eyes she collapsed on the cold ice. She lay there remembering her mother, her family, her god. She closed her eyes for good and slept off forever on the cold ice, for she dared to fantasize about freedom, for she dared to escape her death but she couldn’t escape war.

She froze to death with no one there to help her, for there was no hope at all. In every war some would survive and some would die. If only her fate had been that strong, if only she had been one of those lucky ones.

NEW YEARS FOR SOME

‘She walked through the hallway and opened the door of her empty apartment; she threw the keys in the key bowl and placed the groceries and the wine bottle on the table. She went into her room and placed her coat in the closet and looked outside her room’s window, it wasn’t snowing but it was freezing outside. She went into the kitchen and started cooking pasta, she lit up the entire apartment with candles because she loved candlelight, she went into her room and took a shower, she got dressed up in a red wine coloured dress and put on makeup, she had to look gorgeous.

She came out and checked her watch, it was 10 pm and the apartment was glowing, she smiled to herself and walked inside the kitchen with her stilettos clattering against the apartment’s wooden floor. She placed the pasta in a dish and poured the wine in a glass, taking both she placed herself on the couch and looked outside the wide window of the living room, the city was glowing, there was mood of celebration everywhere, after all it was the new years eve night, she loved the view of the city from her 15th floor. She started eating her pasta and drinking her wine and admiring the beauty of the city and its things alone. After finishing her dinner she made herself comfortable on the couch to read her favourite book.

The clock struck 12, it was a new date, she didn’t realize it until she saw the fireworks outside her window, she smiled throughout, it was a new year. She looked around her apartment which was still glowing with candlelight and then she walked up to the empty wine glass kept on the table, she put another clean wine glass beside it and sighed, she poured the wine in both of them and held them in her hands and whispered ‘happy new year’. She put them again back and sat on the couch again to read, while reading she dozed off. The bright sun woke her up in the morning, she woke up and found herself still in her party dress, ruffled on the couch and the two glasses still kept on the table, as full as they could be’

31st December 2010 I was sitting in my room studying for my exam, not one of my ideal things to do on New Year’s Eve night but I still went through it and I wondered, what would be so different about the next morning except for some change in numbers? And as expected there was nothing unexpected, I woke up early morning to finish my studying, was hell tensed for my exam, got ready and was in no time sitting in the exam hall staring at the question paper trying to understand it, hoping for time to fly. The clock struck 1 and I had finished my exam, I wasn’t very happy with the way I had done the exam and I knew 1st January 2011 is not going to be any different. It is the same day; it’s the same things all over again. Nothing new happened and nothing would happen in one minute. The clock will strike 12 as it always does every night, the date will change as it always does every night.

31st night my room was filled with the party music playing in the nearby club, there was a huge party going on and I didn’t feel like dancing. Maybe celebrations are not my thing, maybe I just prefer to be alone.

All there is to think is that we always believe that New Year will bring with it some new happiness but the truth is things don’t change, it’s just a date change and it’s as significant as it could get. It’s just another one of those nights and the next morning is the same.

BOY MEETS GIRL

Two strangers meet, they talk, they feel.


“you know I don’t like the fact that you like someone else” I said, he paused for a very long moment over the phone, for once I thought I had said something wrong and then he said “I know” and paused again. My heart skipped a beat; he knew I could sense he knew about my feelings. I didn’t speak. “don’t think about me in that way, you and me are just not a possibility, you deserve a better guy and I am sure you will find one, just don’t start building up stories when there is nothing going to happen” he said and waited for a response, “I will talk to you later” I said and disconnected the phone like a coward'

When one assumes something about other, when the other is just being a friend, it gets a little complicated. But sooner or later things get normal and it is as if nothing happened.

'There were times when you were looking at me and I didn’t notice and the times when I was looking at you and you didn’t notice’

They say what’s done is done, if you feel hurt or happy, it’s probably not the other ones business but what if that emotion is caused by the other person.

‘and he looked at me with a puzzled look, I knew what he asked and I replied “I am not sad” he still kept on staring at me concerned “at least not because of you” I replied, such was the connection, we talk through eyes’

When you find people with whom you instantly connect with, with whom you can have an entire conversation through eyes and you feel like never losing them because purposely or not they keep you in your comfort zone.

“Can you do me a favour?” I asked over the phone “I am sorry I am busy right now” later while going out of the campus when I passed him, he looked drunk, he didn’t even look at me once and suddenly I was invisible to him’

When two people are so well attached, misunderstandings are bound to happen, if the connection is new, it takes time to understand them even more.

‘I passed him in the corridor and he was staring into my eyes, I read something in them, that was probably the one time when I saw a remote possibility of the fact that he may end up feeling for me the way I feel for him’

Some people are hard to define, hard to hate, hard to love; some people just come into your life to make you feel love again.

‘I was standing leaning my head on my friend’s shoulder and I saw him coming towards our direction, on seeing me, he halted, saw the person standing with me and then looked at me and then walked away’

They care; they love but refuse to show. Some people just live in denial.

“hello” I said, “hi” he replied in a deep coarse voice, I assumed he must be sleeping, “were you sleeping” I asked, “yeah” he answers, I didn’t want to disturb him, “ok! Then you go back to sleep” I say “Nahi, its ok, let’s talk” he says and start talking and then I think in my head he has an exam tomorrow and giggle’

When you give time to a relationship there is a possibility of a friendship so sweet that no bitterness can affect it. People might start a relationship on the wrong foot but if innocence exists somewhere then a probable possibility of things to get alright also exists.

‘I came out of the exam centre and I saw him standing at the gate talking to people, he instantly noticed me but didn’t react, for 10-15 minutes he stood there staring at me thinking probably I will go upto him and start talking but I didn’t, later he came upto me and started talking’

If one could lie through eyes then there would be no plausibility of knowing the truth ever, eyes don’t lie. They might not intend to deliberately give signs but they do end up giving some.

“The guy likes you a lot, it’s hard to not notice the signs” my friend said “with him I have stopped believing in signs” I replied

Some relationships are just meant not to discuss about and not to think about, they are just supposed to be written about and remembered just to bring a smile on the face, because sometimes the beauty of some relationships is in the mystery of it.

MUST BE LOVE

“She looked at him and said
‘I know I totally bored you. I am so stupid’
‘No! You can never bore me’ he said smiling”

She was packing her stuff and smiling because she had had the most marvellous three days of her life. She started stuffing in her iPod and the two fat novels in her bag giggling, she had brought all this stuff because she would be totally bored and these three days were given her as a bonus to relax. The truth was the three days had passed by, every part of her body ached from all the dancing and running around all the time and she never really got the time to relax.

Her dad’s silver jubilee celebration was in the city she had lived in when she was a kid but never visited again and now she had landed at the airport and she was ready for all the pathetic socialising that she knew she would have to do. She hated talking to unknown people, the first day went by as expected, she didn’t like anyone, but things came around the 2nd day and by the 3rd day she didn’t want to leave the place, no matter how happy she was going home and she didn’t want to go. She had come back to her room early with her family because they had to pack as they were to catch the evening flight back home. As much as she hated packing she was happy to go home and was looking forward to some sleep and she knew right now sleep was the only thing she needed. Sleep deprived, she was cranky and chose not to talk to anyone.

As she was packing, her dad walked in to the room and told her that some other batch mate of his were coming to visit them for some time, as they were currently living in that city. She made a face and then the endless series of cribbing started and the whole cranky, whiny side of hers came back, she didn’t want to meet anyone anymore, she was drained of her socialising skills, moreover drained of putting up that friendly smile when inside she didn’t feel that happy. Listening to her daughter whine like a kid, her dad said

‘don’t behave like that, their son just cracked the most difficult exam of mbbs and just got admitted in one of the best colleges of the country, we should all congratulate him’

Her dad said that and left. ‘the best college?, pfft...yes! ok! He got into your college, no big deal!’ she thought to herself and resumed packing. They both were child hood buddies and yet she had not seen him in years. She looked at her mom and said.
‘I am just greeting them and then coming back into my room’

Her mom gave a helpless nod, she knew she was being unreasonable and illogical but she couldn’t help her feelings.

After a few minutes she heard a lot of noise outside and she knew that the ‘guests’ had arrived. She rolled her eyes and continued packing. She wore her jacket and was going towards the bathroom to make her hair when she passed the main door of the room and from the door she stole a glance of supposedly ‘the intelligent future doctor’ who was sitting on the railing. She looked at him and she gasped, she walked in to the bathroom incoherent, all she could think about was him, he was so cute that she something rushing inside. She properly made her hair, walked to her room and sat there still breathing heavily. She waited for her mom to call her out because honestly she didn’t have the courage to go outside. And just then her mom called her out; she took a deep breath and with a smile walked out. She greeted everyone sitting and then again looked at the guy, yes he was real and yes he was unbelievably cute. She was standing answering the interrogative questions thrown at her by his parents; she smiled throughout and answered them.
Then uncle said
‘beta, come sit’

She looked at the guy still sitting on the railing and somehow the guy understood her look and shifted a little to make room for her. She smiled inside but was composed from outside and sat down with him, there was an awkward sense of air surrounding the area, they both didn’t talk and their parents couldn’t stop yapping, he looked at her and she looked at him from time to time and she had to talk to him, just as she was about to say something, her dad did, he asked him about college, how it had changed, how he was finding it blah blah...she wasn’t interested in all of that, all she concentrated on was his voice which just matched his looks. ‘perfect’ she thought.
The awkward silence between them was back again and then she finally gained the courage to ask him the question

‘So what is your name?’ she asked him

He was caught by surprise, he just gave her startled look and somehow he had not expected her to talk to him. She knew his nickname but she wanted to know his real name. Her question was answered by his mother

‘arre, you should be knowing the answer to that question because you only kept his name’

Now! She was startled, both of them didn’t know what to speak next and this time she just couldn’t stop the smirk that formed on her face, how could she keep his name? She was still in school and he had joined college. She was confused.

‘You kept his name because you are an year older to him’ aunty said again

‘Oh!’ was the only thing that came out of her mouth. Seriously, he was younger to him, now that made her laugh.

Although, it was pretty shocking for both of them but the awkward silence broke and he asked her name and then when she found a good chance, she asked him if he wanted to go for a walk and he agreed. They both rushed outside and started walking

‘I am so glad to be out of there, it was getting so weird there’ she said
And the guy just nodded

For the next two hours she was going on talking and in between she talked really insane stuff which she didn’t realize that she was doing. He didn’t say much but contributed to the conversation just a little bit, he would also start talking when something was common between them and she just searched for common topics because she wanted to hear his voice. They both never halted, they both kept on walking, they walked for two hours and it was perfect. The way he looked at her and his smile, there was only one word in her head ‘perfect’. The guy was perfect. If she could fall for someone in two hours then it was him. Her time was up with him when her parents called out to them and told her it was time to leave, she couldn’t believe her time was really up with him. But the one thing that mostly bothered her was that she had talked complete lunatic stuff and she didn’t know what he was thinking about her, to clear out things, she made her cute face and said

‘I am so sorry, I know I bored you, I am stupid’

He looked at her and replied

‘No! You can never bore me’

The both looked at each other for a long time and then she jerked, did they really build a strong connection in 2 hours? Was it possible? She cleared her head and smiled

‘It was nice meeting you, keep in touch’ she said

‘Pleasure was all mine and I will’ he said and smiled

She sat in the car and she was off to the airport, she left the city where a new story had just begun for her.

‘From then till now, two years have passed since that day, since that time, two years have passed since she saw him and she still feels the same way about him as she used to, hoping for something to happen between them, hoping for impossibilities to finally vanish and things don’t seem to be going anywhere’


P.S tomorrow would be that same day again when she met him two years ago.

FAIRYTALES, LIFE AND MORE....

STATUS- BELIEVER

'I looked at you through the mirror, I saw a different you, I felt something breaking inside me and I never searched the answers for that 'why''


The night seems to never end and there are too many memories to cherish and to forget. There are too many thoughts that keep on reminding me of the loss I suffered and the happiness I gained. If only life was a story which started with once upon a time...and ended with happily ever after...if only it had the prince charming on a white horse coming to rescue you from that evil witch. Sometimes time has limitations and sometimes it seems to pass by, sometimes life seems to move so quickly, sometimes it just stops. Everybody knows the beginning but ending no one has seen, the anticipation of what’s coming next keeps us going. Even if we are sad and depressed the idea a better tomorrow keeps us alive.

All of us yearn for a fairytale life, a castle with lots of rooms, a beautiful gown and magic all around. But then I think, what is magic? What makes magic real? Why do we believe in it so much? Does it happen? Do dreams really come true? Do we all have fairy godmothers? Someone, somewhere waiting for us to pray for some miracle and so that certain someone can swing the wand in its hand and grant us our wish, make us believe in magic again. Are there really two ways to life? Either we be patient and wait for magic or we make magic happen for us. Answers don’t really matter what matters is that there are questions. Questions that are unanswered and in our quest to find these answers would we embark on a journey so beautiful, so magical that we would forget about reality, that we would forget the concept of black and white and just for once believe in colours.

In a world where pain and sorrow surrounds us, a world which forces us to close all doors to feeling any kind of emotions, a world where if you are not strong then you can’t be happy. In every 10 people, there are those 7 living two lives, portraying the world happiness but inside they are dying. What is happiness? How can a person in true sense said to be happy? Are there any ground rules provided? or is it given in some cheesy fairytale book? Believing in the worst, ignoring what is right infront of us and expecting nothing seems to grant us if not whole then partial bliss.

‘Perception to things is what changes the way we live life’ someone once told me that. Can we really change what is fed to us? We are brought up in our lavish homes, drinking milk and eating cookies, reading storybooks and dreaming. If it weren’t for that we wouldn’t have even had those couple of reasons to be happy that we have with us because believing that good things are somewhere out there is what makes it just a tad prettier.

If there was no good or evil, no yin or yang, no angel or devil, no two sides to the coin, we would have never gained a perception; we would have never learned to look at the positive side. Bad things can either bring you down or bad things can make you stronger, more positive. The theory that ‘good things happen to good people’ is all wrong; the theory actually is that only good people are put through tests to make them strong, to make them gain a perception. If a person hasn’t been through the trials and tribulations of life, then they are not the lucky ones, then they won’t realize when a good thing comes to them and they might just let it pass by. Afterall, lessons learnt in the course of life are the lessons best learnt.

Fairytale ending we make ourselves by the things we learn and by the choices we make. It’s all just part of the plan. If we were born with extreme hatred and love, then why hate when there is so much love still within us?