SOMETHING FOR YOU

the haphazardness of the words explains how haphazard my feelings are

'I feel and that is what I do best'

In my own inhibitions and doubts
I found you
I looked at you and I found hope
My heart wanted to take the leap of faith
My mind reluctant

When I looked in your eyes
I found my happiness
In mine, you found yours
When you smiled at me
My thoughts went incoherent
I fumbled to say the easiest words
When you understood me
Even without me saying anything
I thought I had found a friend

But later I realized
You were more than that,
A friend would never make me blush
A friend would never leave me breathless
A friend would never make my heart skip a beat
The moment I crossed the line
And felt something more for you
I knew there was no turning back

The feeling was so potent and pure
I never wanted to let it go
I wanted it to engulf me
Like a warm blanket on a cold winter night
Whenever I was with you
I felt loved, I felt happy

The way you looked at me
It always left me smiling
When you thought so hard
I wished to know what you were thinking
When you held my hand
I wished to know how you felt

All those times when you were not looking
I stood at a distance admiring you
There were so many words floating in my head
You didn’t even know about them

With your bittersweet farewell
You will be giving me memories
To keep me going without you
I never knew it was possible for me
To fall so hard, so fast
And then you came along
With all your stories
Of grief and joy
You changed the way I perceived

No I am not perfect,
Maybe I am not the one for you
But somewhere you brought me back from the dead
With you I never asked
And I still won’t
I don’t expect, I fathom
I don’t care about her,
I am just a tad envious

With the new directions you gave me
I am walking on that road
But now I seemed to have lost the map
All that scepticism clouding the path again

In my own hurt, I will expect you
To find me again
There is a premonition I have
About a future so unreal yet so sweet
Where you will be mine and I will be yours