COMEBACK

MOOD- CONFUSED

‘in my heart there are places I want to go, there are things I want to do, there are unfulfilled wishes, there are dreams I want to fulfil’

Almost a semester passed by without me rambling about anything in my blog, I feel like I have forgotten to write, it was something that came to me naturally but I feel like in my heart there is so much confusion, so much agitation that I don’t feel like writing anymore. Writing was one thing that kept me happy, that kept me sane, that it was one thing I am good at but now I am losing my confidence to even express myself on paper. I have a notebook with a collection of sheets filled with my everyday ramblings, surrounded by the one thing that keeps bothering me in college, the one thing that has kept me so occupied this whole semester. Things happened and it made me realize that life isn’t so easy, even if you do get second chances, it isn’t necessary that they are there for real. Even if I close my eyes all I can think about is the past and that is something I want to forget and look forward to the future.

The exam time is already here and it is the ending of another year, in winters it’s all white even the sun emits different colours. White isn’t my colour neither is winter my season but I survive, snowfalls I never enjoyed; too much cold just makes me sick. I love the rain, the sound of the raindrops splashing on the rooftop, the drops falling outside my window and the best part about monsoons is getting wet in the rain, it always brings a smile on my face. I even enjoy the sun, when its bright, sunny and warm, I feel secure, protected. I like the fact that in the sun my brown hair and brown eyes glow, I can wear warm colours and there is no cold. The cold air reminds me of pain, struggle and tears, it makes me cold. I know I am not supposed to feel that way but it is how I feel.

It has been a crazy semester, from bunking classes, to parties, to boring classes, to making new friends, to feeling alone, to feeling alive again, to going back to finding my way again. These 6 months have been a roller coaster ride. It’s been a journey from past to the future, it’s given me clarity and at the same time its taught me to feel something again.

‘Time heals all wounds, what if you don’t want the wounds to heal? What if you don’t want the memories to fade away? What if all you want to do is stay in this moment and feel this pain?’